Kraven the Hunter

I don't know who to blame for Kraven the Hunter. It's a movie so unfinished that its failures are downright systemic. At two hours, it's both too long for what it is, yet entirely too short to make any sense of its plot. Perhaps the studio saw this and decided to be the first to release a workprint out into the wild. So that we, the audience, could figure it out for ourselves.

Whatever the reason for its current shape and form, Kraven the Hunter is a miserable experience. It's an action film with dull action and a thriller where the titular hunter does no hunting. In one of the film's funniest scenes, Aaron Taylor Johnson proclaims himself the greatest hunter in the world: the man who can find anyone. It's funny because it comes after he's spent most of the film waiting for someone to tell him where his latest prey is hiding.

Consistency isn't Kraven's priority. Scenes end without rhyme or reason. Characters explain things we've just seen. A major protagonist disappears midway through dialog and is never heard or seen again. The final shot feels like it's supposed to lead to another scene, only to reveal that, yes, you did just waste two hours on a shaggy dog story.

I'll try and summarize Kraven the best I can, but I can assure you, it's not necessary. You could watch this film with a journal in hand – I did – and still come away with more questions than answers. I wish I could say it's an experience. An emotional ride meant for the heart and soul, if not the mind. But I'm certain both of those will find themselves just as insulted by what they've just seen as other cognitive faculties.

Kraven (Johnson) is the son of Papa Kraven (Russell Crowe), a nefarious Russian gangster with a taste for hunting and outrageous accents. To overcome the death of Kraven's mother, Papa takes his sons out for a hunting safari. There, a gigantic lion attacks Kraven, nearly killing him, but not before carrying him to Calypso (Ariana DeBose), who luckily carries an elixir of great strength and unspecified powers given to her by a witch doctor grandmother who --

No, you know what, I give up. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't even try to make sense. I haven't even gotten to the part with an evil Russian gangster called the Rhino, who literally turns into a Rhino because he asked a doctor to make him stronger. Or that Calypso is both investigative lawyer and keeper of ancient secrets. Or how Kraven's secret identity is his family name Kravinoff and that he lives on a ranch in his mother's name, yet everyone acts like he's the most secretive person in the world who can't be tracked.

Kraven is the film equivalent of the broken telephone game. At some point, an executive had the idea to make a movie with Spider-Man and one of his arch nemesis. He told that to another executive, who trimmed out a bit. Then another did the same, and another all the way until now, where we have a film cut within an inch of sanity. Nothing breathes, nothing works, and nothing about it is fun. It's so bereft of life that even its failures are more frustrating than enjoyable.

A turkey is fun for everyone involved. It's a sign the filmmakers were passionate about their work, even if they weren't good at executing a vision. A film like Kraven feels like a chore. A punishment you have to sit through because someone had to get an IP film about before the contract expired.

I don't fault the actors, nor the director JC Chandor, all of whom have made great films in the past. They'll make better ones in the future, and we'll all pretend like this never happened. Like Catwoman, Kraven is a misstep we should all forget the moment we turn our eyes away from it.